IWD: Advice Appreciated
I married at young age, dad arranged it for me. We knew the guy liked somebody else but dad said ‘it would be fine, it might just take some time but eventually he would come around’. To be fair, Jake, the guy, seemed pretty decent, so we proceeded. Long story short, it’s not fine.
My husband is seeing this other woman: weekends away, nights out, holidays abroad. I don’t need to spy on them to know about this, I see it on their newsfeed. He is publicly open about his affection for her.
Our kids seem to be coping okay but my loneliness is unbearable. People say I need to find a way to accept reality, ‘just keep going, pretend like nothing happened. It’ll be fine.’ My pals are tired of my complaints and tears, so we often end up chatting about neutral, shallow stuff like the weather, shopping or ‘other people’s news’.
Leaving my husband would mean social and economic death for me, let alone the reputation I would gain and the shame I’d bring upon my family. Divorce is just not an option. Ever.
My only joy are the kids really, a cheeky bunch they are. Four beautiful boys. I just can’t understand, why my husband won’t work on the relationship – if not for me than at least for the sake of the kids!
What will happen to me when they all grow up, I don’t even want to think about.
So, here I am, finding myself completely stuck in life. Any advice appreciated. Thanks.
Leah, 39
Do you know a Leah?
Somebody who feels lost, stuck, defeated by life, marinated in pain.
Maybe the Leah you know isn’t married with kids, perhaps she is single, divorced, widowed or has suffered a miscarriage.
She keeps it together on the outside when on the inside every cell of her body screams ‘Help!’.
Maybe doesn’t scream anymore at all. Maybe she’s lost all hope and doesn’t even try any more. The one who “needs to be fixed” or is “beyond the fixable”. Or is she?
This story is based on the life of Leah, a woman who lived 4.000 years ago. In the Bible she is described as the ‘unloved’, ‘unlovable’, ‘unwanted’. Her arranged marriage ‘ruined’ a beautiful love story her husband could have with somebody else. And though he eventually married the ‘other woman’, Leah’s stigma remained.
Leah had little control over her life. She tried to earn her husband’s love through having kids but it didn’t work. Perhaps this raised even more pain? Feeling always the second best?
Have you ever felt like a Leah? Have you wondered how to get others to love you? Have you thought whether people would be just better off without you?
God loved Leah. God loves the Leahs of this world, even when no one else sees or cares. God loved Leah for Leah. He saw her pain, he knew her circumstances, and he met her where she was at.
Unlike her husband, who was more concerned with his own needs and desires, God granted Leah the care, dignity and recognition she needed.
The name “Leah” means “weary” and that’s probably how she often felt. In spite of her painful situation, God made Leah fruitful. In fact, God chose Leah to be the foremother of Jesus. A weary, overlooked, unloved, and unwanted woman became a foremother of Jesus, the one who is the source of relief, recognition, love and care.
“God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.”
1 Corinthians 1:27-29
Unlike “the other woman”, Leah, though she was despised by some, was highly important to God in his plan to change the human history.
This International Women Day, may you have a taste of the great regard God has for you. Regardless of your education, experience, income, race, nationality, beliefs or reputation. God sees you and cares for you. I hope that you will want to get to learn more about him and see this for yourself.
~ By Monika Edith Mičulková