The Motherhood Myth
The well-known “pregnancy glow” invokes images of beauty with a perfect basketball-up-the-top bump, healthy glowing skin and a head of glossy, luscious hair. It fails to mention the swollen ankles, daily vomiting and the un-glamorous reality of piles though, doesn’t it?! There is a weighted sense of expectation surrounding pregnancy and motherhood; the expectation of others as well as our own preconceived ideas.
I had struggled with my identity after my first child was born, the “motherhood myth” told me that being a mumhad become my main purpose and that left me with questions. So many questions. Questions that I didn’t dare to pray about, because quite honestly I wasn’t sure that God cared much about the pregnancy stuff. I was confident that God cared deeply for my child, a child of God knitted together in my womb. But the gritty-ness of pregnancy? The realities of motherhood? If I’m really honest I wondered, at least in part, if it was something that God couldn’t relate to because of Jesus’humanity as a man.Throughout that pregnancy God taught me so much about how he cares aboutmotherhood preciously, but that it should never be the basis for our identity.
The day of my 12 week scan was full of relief and joy to see that tiny baby ultrasound and hear that speedy little heartbeat. I went to work that night with a headache, but full of expectant happiness. Throughout the nightshift my headache went from bad to worse and by the next day it was unbearable, so I contacted my GP, thinking I was having a migraine and worried about having high blood pressure. When she arrived at our house, she was greeted by my Tesco shop which had been delivered and was left scattered on the floor whilemy son was watching TV with almost no sound in our darkened living room. I vomited when I tried to get to the door, and I couldn’t open my eyes to speak to her. I was hospitalised and a lumbar puncture confirmed I had meningitis, which, to be honest, hadn’t even been on my radar. It was a scary diagnosis and not one I knew anything about. I spent that week in hospital praying for my baby’s safety, while hearing babies being born in the room next door. In the end I was fortunate in my outcomes, but at the time it was unbearably hard, and I wondered if God had forgotten me.
As with this year’s lockdown, online church had a great impact on my life in those dark days. I was unable to go to church in person but I was able to listen to full sermons live streamed online, week after week, which I hadn’t done since before becoming a mum. I saw so much value in that time, focusing my eyes back on Jesus.
I was reminded that my identity comes from being a child of God, first and foremost. Motherhood could never complete my identity, and left me with all the insecurities about not meeting expectations and disappointment from not being fully satisfied in that role. Whilst motherhood is a valuable part of who God created me to be, I am free from the weight of being everything for my children. Instead I teach them about Jesus who is everything they will ever need.
During my recovery I was leaning fully on God, purely out of necessity. I was reminded that God doesn’t value us based on our gifts and abilities, our motherhood, or any other facet of life that can become our identity.Even if I was nailing the “pregnancy glow”, and exceeding all the other expectations of the motherhood season, I would still be totally reliant on Jesus. I wouldn’t ever want to repeat that traumatic time, but I can rejoice in the God that is good- even when life isn’t.
Kirsten
I am a Christian. I’m also and the Scottish wife to my Nigerian husband and, with our two sons, we make up our little Afro-Celtic Clan. After studying psychology I worked in mental health, an area I am passionate about. I live just south of Edinburgh and, when not working, I love to be somewhere muddy or sandy having adventures with my boys.